He Girlbossed a Bit Too Close to the Sun

🚨DIVA DOWN🚨

A moment of silence for one of the greats.

Congressman (and gay liar) George Santos has been charged with conspiracy, wire fraud, false statements, falsification of records, aggravated identity theft, and credit card fraud.

As a reminder George Santos is a republican representative from Queens. Within hours of being elected reports were coming in that he lied about his mom surviving 9/11, about being a descendant of a Holocaust survivor, and even graduating from college (where he claimed to be a big volleyball star). He has acknowledged those claims saying, “My only sins here are embellishing my resume. I’m sorry.” (ART!)

Then George was accused of actual crimes leading to politicians on both sides calling to have him removed. He wasn’t and the investigation began. Obviously now he is indicted and we are left to grapple with our morals. Is it more important to be a good person or a comedic genius?

Obviously crime is wrong and justice should be served, but I wish we could just have fun too. (Bad Blood is not on Reputation.)

If you have attended the University of Bravo with a focus on Real Housewives (where you were possibly a big volleyball star) you’ll know what happens next. He will go to jail, gather fellow girlbosses around him, get hot, and return to society (maybe even politics) a few years later to an embarrassement of riches.

things that happened in pop culture this week that you should know about:

The Slap™ that never ends. Jada Pinkett Smith wrote a new memoir and has been on a press tour spilling all the interesting parts of the book (why do celebs do this?). The biggest revelation? Will and Jada have been separated for seven years. Not to be that girl, but this wasn’t news to me. I was under the assumption they had been separated/open for a very long time, since at least the Red Table started and Jada’s acknowledgment of the “entanglement.” But the internet was shocked so I must have dreamt that, or I have the gift of knowing, who can really say?

Jada also claimed:

• She sold drugs at a young age while working at The Gap

• Will and her married in 1997 without a prenup (obviously why they’ve never gotten divorced)

• She thought that The Slap™ was a skit and was confused why Will would call her his wife when they had been separated for nearly six years

• Chris Rock had asked her out on a date before The Slap™, and tried to apologize after The Slap™

• Tupac was her soulmate, also had alopecia, and proposed to Jada while he was in jail

Will has responded.

More divorce updates. Sophie Turner and Priyanka Chopra Jonas have unfollowed each other. Considering Priyanka wasn’t invited to Sophie’s bachelorette party this shouldn’t have come as a surprise to anyone. Sophie definitely has had her muted for years. Sophie still follows Joe, Nick, Kevin, and Kevin’s wife Danielle.

FALL IS HERE.

Who is this? Madonna has officially started her world tour. It was originally postponed due to Madonna suffering from a bacterial infection, but many are noticing that the bacterial infection has completely changed her face.

Who is this? Part 2. A couple in Colorado allegedly spotted Big Foot and I do not care. Let the aliens take us.

Apparently this is still a sports newsletter. As it relates to my personal interests, ofc.

• Ireland’s Rugby Team lost to New Zeland in the Rugby World Cup’s quarterfinals and Paul Mescal was sad. :(

• The Eagles (the team Travis Kelce’s brother Jason plays for) lost to the Jets (the team with the quarterback who is not Aaron Rodgers but did fuck his mom’s best friend).

• CU Buffs and Coach Prime blew a devastating lead to Stanford. And the SNL was very, very good.

• Lana Del Rey went to a University of Oklahoma game.

• Kendall Jenner is doing an 818 college tour.

Bravo, Bravo, Bravo…

• Kim Zolciak and Chet Hanks are end game for me. I can’t imagine anything I want more than Kim, the girls, and the kids spending the holidays with Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Kroy who?

• The Giudice girls got a Shein deal. Growing up Giudice WHEN???

• Tinsley might have gotten married!! I could cry! I hate Bravo for not being there!

I hate this. Phoebe Bridgers and Bo Burnham are still together.

It’s almost her time. I only care about politics coming back because I love it when the democratic party parades Lady Gaga around.

Team Gale, but… Is Josh Hutcherson hot now?

Spotted. SAG has not reached an agreement so the strike continues and we’ll continue to see actors eating at every nice restaurant in New York because what else can they do?

Space Couture. Prada will be designing NASA’s new space suits that will definitely go to the moon.

Feels a little fishy. Powerball was once again won by someone in California. In the past year, the state has had three (out of four) billion dollar lottery winners.

Not Pete in the coveted blue crewneck from the Eras Tour…

Did you think I forgot about her? Wish I could. I really do. I’m fresh off of two Eras viewings and can confirm that it’s still the best time you can have. There was no obnoxious singing or dancing at my showings but I did see some crazy videos on TikTok and Twitter.

• Eras Premiere at The Grove (next to The Cheesecake Factory). Taylor took over an hour to take pictures every fan that Taylor Nation invited. Beyonce was there, and they went to dinner at Katasayu before the premiere. She tucked her hair in a very 1989 way.

• Thursday Night Football. Taylor flew to Kansas City immediately after the Eras premiere to be ready for Travis’s Thursday night game. We got photos of her whispering with Mama Kelce (who was wearing friendship bracelets) and hugging Brittany Mahomes.

• I must reiterate that this Taylor being this public is not new or surprising, Joe just didn’t like it.

• Travis said on his podcast that he needs to widen his vocabulary. Hopefully Taylor bought him Hooked on Phonics.

• Sometime last week Taylor and Phoebe Bridgers went to Do Not Disturb and then Waverly Inn in the West Village.

  

• SNL. Is there a better date night than going to Nobu and then watching a bunch of sketch comics make fun of your ex boyfriend? I don’t think so. Taylor and Travis both had cameos and then made out all the way to the after party.

• Travis went to the Eagles vs Jets game on Sunday at Metlife to watch his brother lose and get a new bracelet. Then he returned to New York to go to Waverly Inn with Taylor (I guess she’s really over Via Carota).

• It’s rumored that Taylor will be featured on Bad Bunny’s new album. Also, can we talk about his new face?

• Gigi Hadid and Bradley Cooper are allegedly spending time at Taylor’s Rhode Island estate. Does Bradley Cooper not have homes of his own?

• Deuxmoi is alleging that Taylor bought a house in Kansas City and I’m sorry that’s where I draw the line. There is no glamour in Kansas City. There is nothing aspirational about Kansas City. I do not want to hear a new album about the landscapes of Kansas City. (Sorry Grace.)

what I’m watching

SNL. I watched because I saw clips of the Taylor sketch and was surprised to see that the rest of the show was very funny. The first episode of the season is always the best because they have had so much time off and so much to work with. But the style of the sketches felt different than they have in the previous years. For awhile SNL has felt condescending and boring, following the formula of telling a joke, then asking if you understood the joke, (while also assuming you, the viewer, would never “get it” anyway). This episode felt fresh and nuanced with times (Beach Day, Wired Interview, and obviously, PDD*) where I genuinely LOLed.

*Please Don’t Destroy has been the best part of SNL since they were hired.

Beckham. Although this sometimes moonlights as a sports podcast I didn’t watch this documentary for the soccer/football aspect. I was there for one thing only, Victoria Beckham. I don’t think it’s dramatic for me to say that the Spice Girls not only raised me but also invented “girl power.” But I have to admit it… I have been changed. I am now an avid Manchester United fan. I think David Beckham could do no wrong. And I think that their children should be tried in the high courts for not even trying to become successful soccer/football players.

Southern Charm. I think I’m the only person who is enjoying the new season. I am obsessed with Taylor and Olivia making Shep and Austen uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I just really want to see Shep cry, but I’m kinda into the idea of Austen/Taylor. If he could just not be a piece of shit I think it would really work.

THE CROWN IS BACK ON NOVEMBER 16TH.

things I hate:

• The young ones must be stopped.

• I’m really stressed about Speaker of the House noms because last time we were in flux was also the worst week of the year for me.

• Fernet shots. Or really just shots in general. Maybe just alcohol.

• Deuxmoi. I went there to confirm that Taylor went to Waverly Inn with Phoebe and was met with everything I hate about celebrity gossip/spottings.

WHERE THE HELL IS THE LWS? DO YOU MEAN SOHO? TRIBECA? FIDI? BATTERY PARK? SHUT UP!!!

things I like:

• Coke Freestyle Machines

• Working from bed

• Bacon. If we’re going to bring back early 2000s trends I think we should bring back bacon everything.

• I’m also really into Whole Foods right now.

<3