I Guess This Is a Sports Newsletter Now

But will Travis let Taylor bejeweled?

Sep 27, 2023

Salut mes amis!

I have finally returned from my end-of-summer vacation, and while this year I wasn’t in the French countryside, I was in a place that is foreign to most of us, Myrtle Beach. The wifi there? Horrendous. The hush puppies? Delicious. But I’ve never been more excited to be back in New York (aside from the rain).

Also, thank you to everyone who sent me the Taylor Swift journalist job posting. I will be applying, but until they hire me, we’ll be going back to a paid model. I know. Sometimes things have to change. Starting this week, the weekly newsletters will be for paid subscribers. I love doing them, but to be completely honest *invisible ink* the newsletters take a lot of time away from my “real” job.

So. What do you get as a paid member? This! Every week! I’ll keep sending out a consolidated list of what’s going on in pop culture that you should know about, along with what I’m liking, reading, watching, and talking about. Along with access to all the TIL archives.

And if you decide you’re not interested in paying (Totally fine! I get it! But, maybe… like, this is a write-off?*) you’ll still get newsletters, but they’ll be more ~*sporadic*~. I’m aiming for once a month, but they’ll be the more in-depth types of newsletters (like Celebrity Breakup Recap, How to Watch Love Island, and THE CHART) that also take even more time, so we’ll have to see how it goes.

*not financial advice

Sorry, there’s a lot of links.

🎵 & that’s how it works. that’s how you get the girl🎵

If you live in America, have access to wifi, or have spoken to another person in the past 72 hours, I’m sure you have heard the news. Our most beloved pop star took her private jet to Kansas City to watch a man (who has been publicly simping for her for months) play football. And she looks so happy that it’s hard to analyze the situation. But what else are you here for?

So far, the general feeling amongst Swifties is positive, but Travis Kelce should always sleep with one eye open. By this time next week, half the Swifties will know Travis’s social security number, his middle school lab partner, and the birth charts of every ex-girlfriend. And the other half of the Swifties will be football’s newest and biggest fans. They will know every rivalry, every player, every stat. Actual KC fans will never get a ticket to a game ever again. Football teams will cease to exist. Players are either Swifties or The Enemy.

I wish more than anything that I could have heard the convo where Taylor apologized for her Looney Tunes fans. But also, maybe for the first time in a decade, she didn’t have to? This man is absolutely not Joe Alwyn. This man has a following all his own. He’s a ham. A himbo. A cornball. A lover of the spotlight. Some might say, bejeweled…

I feel like we’ve talked about this at length in past Taynalysis, but Taylor has this whole bit in the Eras Tour where she talks about how she uses her music to “womansplain things to men.” During Atlanta Night 3, I saw her perform “How You Get The Girl” as a surprise song where she gave a similar opening monologue about getting the girl by putting your pride aside, laying it all out there, and pursuing the girl. Which, according to interviews unearthed by Taylor Swift accounts, has never happened to Taylor and is why she accepted Travis’s invitation to the game.

And well. Before Sunday, all I knew about this man was that he had a brother and a mom, and the brothers had played against each other in the Super Bowl last year. So, Travis is either the himbo of all our dreams or is a PR genius (I’m guessing it’s not that). The way he has been casually dropping her name on his podcast (???? Taylor Swift dating a man with a podcast? She really is a New York girlie) since July has had Swifties on high alert because that toe of a man never said her name publicly once in seven years.

But it’s cute, and it’s fun, and so Taylor. It’s reminiscent of how she was before Joe. Like when she made that noodle-y looking man (Tom Hiddleston) wear an “I ❤️ T.S.” shirt in the ocean or staged pap walks with Harry Styles or whatever weird shit she got up to with Taylor Lautner. This is who she actually is. She loves the spotlight and loves being a cornball.

And she was definitely a cornball. And it was so cute. There were chest bumps, her screaming “let’s fucking go,” her bonding with Travis’s mom, her seemingly eating ranch (pls let this die), her cleaning up her own mess, and her allegedly blushing! The team being wowed that she was there while Patrick Mahomes gives her a wave, embarrassing his friend and mentioning her in interviews. There was Travis driving the pair off into the sunset in his convertible, a literal “Getaway Car,” to a restaurant that Travis bought out for the night (original reports were that it was Ocean Prime, and I was losing my mind at the thought of Taylor on a date at a seafood chain in Middle America). It’s the American Dream!!!!!

Will this last? Maybe. I was so wrong about Matty Healy that I’m scared to even take a guess. Taylor starts her world tour in just a few weeks, going to South America then Asia, then Europe, meaning she’s probably going to miss most of the football season. But it’s nice for Taylor to give the Swifties a new hobby while she goes on tour.

Taylor did recently have dinner with Greta Gerwig…

I can’t stop smiling at all the angry NFL fans who hate Taylor and have to hear about her every move for the rest of the season. The joke at every turn this year was Taylor “is the music industry,” but after every brand tweeting about this, Kansas City basically electing her mayor*, NFL changing their bios and headers everywhere, the 400% spike in Travis Kelce jersey sales, and I wasn’t kidding that it’s impossible to get Chiefs tickets makes me think maybe she’s the industry? Maybe Taylor is just industry.

Anyways. Football is for the girls now and 29 days until 1989 (Taylor’s Version).

*My favorite thing about Taylor visiting any city in America is that local governments shower her with gifts, dedications, keys to the city, etc. as if she’s a Greek god. (Mayor Eric gave her jack shit in New York and now, we’re being punished by her rebranding 1989 (TV) as a beach-inspired album).

other sports news.

Kris is trying to make Kim happen. The tabloids are saying that she might be spending time with Odell Beckham Jr, but who cares? A couple of weeks ago, Kris tried to romantically link Kim to Aaron Rodgers, and what happened? 24 hours later, he ripped his Achilles tendon (my worst fear). It is starting to look like the Kardashians are losing steam.

Usher will perform at the Super Bowl halftime show, and there will allegedly be stripper poles?

Refer a friend

nonsports things that happened in pop culture from the past two weeks that you should know about:

When Taylor was in New York she was spotted having dinner with Greta Gerwig.
I think that a Nicki/Taylor collab is definitely happening, but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be on 1989 (TV).
Beyonce celebrated her birthday for 5-6 days in French Polynesia, Virgo queen.
The best article I’ve read all year. They are the future of advertising.
PAUL MESCAL AND AYO EDEBIRI ARE FRIENDS. They were spotted together at the Soho House Awards…and I need everyone to please be serious for once.
- Speaking of Paul… Him and Daisy… Are they friends? Are they not?
WGA has reached a deal with AMTP. Their strike is over!
Did you know Drake fucks? He wanted me to tell you that he fucks. Because he definitely does. Get this man out of here.
Alison Roman got married, and from the Instagram stories, I must say that the wedding looked perfect.
Selena Gomez woke up recently and realized, “Hey, I’m Selena Gomez.”
Jimmy Fallon is a dick.
Madeline Cline is dating Pete Davidson.
Margot was spotted on the picket line.
Chris Evans got married. Calvin Harris got married. I do not know who either of their wives are.
Shannon Beador (RHOC) was arrested for drunk driving in Newport. Allegedly, she hit a house, reversed, parked, and then got out of her car to pretend she was on a walk when the cops arrived. God love her.
JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND RACHEL ZEGLER MET EACH OTHER IN PARIS AND MY HUNGER GAMES HEART IS SO FULL.
The VMAs were surprisingly fun considering that none of the celebrities really spoke because there were no writers so they just filled it with four hours’ worth of performances. Nicki hosted and Cardi B had a team of eight bodyguards with her at all times. All the presenters were musicians from the 90/00s. Shakira accepted the Video Vanguard award and sang a medley of all her songs. Taylor got drunk and Olivia left early. Selena Gomez was perfect, as usual, and stole the night with her reactions, especially her reaction to Chris Brown being nominated for an award.
Joey King got married in Spain. Sabrina Carpenter sang, and Taylor Swift was in attendance.
FYI:
The US Military lost a fighter jet. Lol.
The Bold Type girls are on vacation together!!!!!
Katy Perry has sold her music catalog for $225 million, which feels very very low.
Petra Collins admitted that Sam Levinson originally approached her to direct Euphoria, but instead just ripped off her treatment if you need a reminder of how much that man sucks. 🙃
Imagine if Leslie Mann was your mom.
Elon and Grimes had another kid named Techno.
Rupert Murdoch is stepping down, and his son will take over his role. I only watched one season of Succession, but kinda hilarious imo.
Kylie and Jordyn are hanging out again.
New York is doing away with AirBnB and other short-term rental services. Finally.
Matty Healy and Gabbriette Bechtel have been spotted smooching all over New York. And I can confirm that he didn’t kiss any fans during his show at Music Midtown in Atlanta.
Marren Morris is working on a pop album.
Apparently, Chris Rock had to go to therapy because of the time Will Smith slapped him at the Oscars… interesting.
The man who claims to have had sex with Barack Obama in the 90s was interviewed by Tucker Carlson, and I need everyone to be real for a second.
Olivia Rodrigo’s new music video was shot on a new iPhone. I can’t remember what number we’re on. The song is a BOPPPPP. *invisible ink* I don’t love the video. Bring back Petra.
- Olivia Rodrigo’s album was released, and my thoughts?
Get him back is such a bop tho
How to Be a Hot Girl in LA.

things i’m watching

Real Housewives of New York. I was so in. I was soooo in. Now I’m kinda bored? Idk. I think it’s fine. I think this happens with the beginning of all franchises, but I hate that they all are just getting to know each other. I want to watch people with established relationships who know each other. I also don’t think Jenna is long for this show. She’s amazing but she is honestly too good for it haha. Give her a spinoff with Cass Bird.

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I started a rewatch during my location and I can’t get over how amazing the first season is. I’m a few episodes behind the current, but wow. Mary Cosby has always been such a gift.

Gilmore Girls. I mean. Of course, I did. I was hungover. It was a rainy Sunday. What else is there to do? And it is so disappointing that as you get older you realize how much Lorelai sucks. Her kissing Max at Rory’s school? So fucked up. Not even telling her she was going on a date with Max?! BAD PARENTING. The first season is wild.

There was also a moment where it seemed like there might be sexual tension between Sookie and Luke. I mean Amy would never. But. Still. Interesting first few episodes.

Maybe I’ll rewatch Bunheads.