🚨MORNING PEOPLE ONLY🚨
A very controversial post.
Happy Sunday to all my girl and boy bosses out there. Sorry, this is late. I will make it up to you. Somehow. Someday. Someway. Probably.
Lost & Pls Help Me
This has been quite a week. Let me tell ya. There was culture. There were drinks. There was me losing a very important document that I will probably never find again. There were angry tears because nothing is more embarrassing than being 30 years old and blaming ADHD that I have been treating for 20+ years for losing this very important document. But, my broken brain has, in fact, lost the document.
My team (therapists) have been devising plans for the past 20+ years to accomplish everyday tasks like checking the mail, returning phone calls, or responding to an email. And the only thing that has ever stuck with me is immediacy. I receive a very important document? Into the very important document folder it goes. I get a text? I respond. I get a phone call? I answer. Does this make me look cool? No. It actually probably makes me look desperate and as if I have nothing going on, but if I don’t immediately respond I never will, and in 5-10 business days I will have to send a “ha ha sry didn’t see this” text.
That’s not even the worst part! Because yes, I am incredibly forgetful and constantly grasping around my broken brain for specifics. But I also have a photographic memory. Which might be helpful for someone who loses things. Surprise, it isn’t. I just SEE my very important document everywhere. I see it on my kitchen table. I see it in my stack of junk mail that I might have thrown away. I see it sticking out of a book I just loaned out. I see it in the basket of winter candles (it is now spring) I put away. I see it everywhere.
Annoyingly, it’s not in any of those places. (It could be in the trash.)
Anyways. I word vomit this at you to ask if anyone knows how to go about getting a 1099-MISC from a former employer without actually asking the employer…?
A note to all the Morning Haters.
Do you know who I hate?
I hate people who hate Daylight Savings. I hate the people out there who want to abolish it because they lose one hour of sleep. To them, I say, go to bed an hour earlier. I hate the people who say their dogs are confused because they don’t understand the concept of time. And to them, I ask who does understand the concept of time!? It makes no sense! We are no different from our sweet dogs, and I promise you they will figure it out. Give them a special treat. They’ll be fine.
Because I LOVE Daylight Savings. I do. I love change. I love seasons. I love weather. I love that when we lose an hour of sunlight in the winter the mood shifts to more of a melancholic vibe with hints of brooding. I love brooding. I love that we’re all elated when we make it through the worst of the winter and are rewarded with an extra hour of sunlight. Like a small trophy that says, “congrats on not yeeting yourself during the dark days. enjoy your extra hour, you silly goose. xoxo.” I love to pack up my winter candles, send my puffer off to the dry cleaner, and say sayonara to my happy light in favor of the sun setting after 7 pm.
So I need to have a tough conversation with the Daylight Savings naysayers.
What do you think life would be like if we got rid of Daylight Savings? Do you think the sun would be setting at 7 PM every day? Do you think you’d have enough time to enjoy the sunlight after your traditional 9 to 5? You wouldn’t. In December (the shortest month of sunlight), the sun would set around 5:20 PM. Doesn’t give you much outside time, does it?
And more importantly to me, as a morning person, what do you think the mornings would look like? What time do you think the sun would be rising? With Daylight Savings, the latest the sun rises is about 7:30 AM. In December, without Daylight Savings, the sun would rise around 8:50 AM! BASICALLY NINE AM.
If you have to be somewhere by 9 AM you’re going to be getting ready in the pitch-black. You might get some good sunset pics for IG, but it will feel like we live in the Nordic territories without any of the benefits. They would be filming GMA and the Today Show in the dark. The artificial lights and backgrounds of Kelly and Ryan would have to be rethought entirely.
So all I ask is that you get some more sleep, maybe start feeding your dog an hour earlier, and think about the morning people in your life.
Things that gave me the ick in honor of International Women’s Day
Carrying change
Being good at bowling
Going to Burning Man
SuperSwiping on Tinder
Saying “kewl”
Working in advertising
Gym selfies
Unnecessarily abbreviating your name (if your name is Patrick, do you really need to go by Pat?)
Things I can’t stop thinking about…
The first time I did shr*oms. I was in Amsterdam and having a really good trip. But after talking to some ducks and being in the park for hours, we went into a restaurant where I started to have a very bad trip. So I had to go back to my hotel room and watch Two and A Half Men for hours until I fell asleep because it was the only thing that made me feel normal.
Danny Pellegrino on WWHL when he called RHONJ “The Teresa Show” and then winked at the camera. Make him a host, Andy.
SXSW. Are we really still doing this?
This Janelle James GrubHub article. It’s SO funny.
It’s been five years since Melodrama…
Things I’m looking for
My very important document. Please help me. (I emailed them, pray for me.)
New blue light glasses
An electric kettle. I’m thinking of updating my personal brand guidelines to include hot tea instead of only iced coffee. TBD.
Thanks again for everything. Can’t wait to have some gigs on Wednesday. AND you’re getting a TIL in a couple hours when I reread it one last time :)
I'm becoming reply guy here. But, it comes with the territory of being a founder. So, hear me out: Not abolishing DST, but making it permanent. As in not falling back an hour in fall, which causes the gross early 4 PM sunsets.