Karlie Kloss Went to a Concert
And now it's everyone's problem.
Maybe you felt the shift Wednesday night? It happened at exactly 10:59 pm EDT time. I was minding my own business, walking home without a single care in the world. I was excited to get home and watch a TikTok live of Taylor’s last Eras Show in LA—there were a lot of theories that 1989 TV was being announced, and as I’ve made pretty clear, there’s nothing I love more than clowning for that tall blonde woman.
But mere seconds before 11 pm EDT, my notifications blew up.
“HELLO.” “Did you see it??” “KELLEY WHERE ARE YOU!” “KARLIE AT ERAS!” “KARLIE!!!!!!!!! KLOSS!!!!!!” “HOLY SHIT.” “Did you know she was going to be there?!?!?!” “KAYLOR IS BACK! Not that Kaylor ever left…” And, of course, “Are you ok??”
For the record, I am ok. Shocked, ecstatic, unnerved, overwhelmed, etc, but ok.
If you are a casual pop culture participant, you might not understand why it’s such a big deal that ex-Victoria’s Secret Angel, one-semester NYU student, occasional coder, and full-time Kushner Karlie Kloss decided to have a fun, low-key night out on the town with her friends (WHO WAS SHE WITH?? Was it the twins??? Kimby tweeted…). There’s a short answer and a long answer. The short answer is that Karlie Kloss is Taylor’s ex-best friend.
The long answer is that this is basically defcon 1 for Swifties.
Karlie and Taylor were close. They were so close that Karlie was the first person to hear OG 1989 in full. So close that they lived together for a few years. So close that they had a Vogue cover together. So close that a part of the fandom believes they were romantically involved*.
*There is a faction of fans who think that Karlie Kloss and Taylor Swift have been romantically involved for the better part of a decade. They think Karlie’s marriage is a farce and that Joe Alwyn is a professional beard. The evidence they have gathered is pretty damning, but I also believe you can make an argument out of anything if you try hard enough. I’ve been cautious about publicly mentioning the Kaylors in any TIL because they’re insane. And for the record, I’m not a Kaylor, but…I do love a conspiracy theory, and you know I love the crazy easter egg shit, so let’s go with it.
But then Karlie allegedly committed the ultimate betrayal. She allegedly let it slip to Scooter Braun (through her then-boyfriend-now-husband, Joshua Kushner) about how Taylor wanted to own her masters. And worst of all, Kushner, allegedly gave Scooter the money to buy Taylor’s masters from Big Machine, which of course, led to Taylor announcing her re-records and dropping Karlie from the girl squad.
Maybe it was an accident. Maybe Taylor and Karlie were on the outs. What we’re really learning from this is you don’t mix business and friendship. Because, regardless of if they were in a romantic relationship or not, Taylor’s closest confident, “a twin from [her] dreams,” stabbed her in the back in the worst possible way. And she did what any millennial woman with a chip on her shoulder and a lot of feelings does, she writes about it. A lot. You can hear it in the “made-up narrative” of Folklore. You can hear her spell it out verbatim in multiple Evermore songs. And if you look for it, you can see that it still tinges a lot of the lyrics in Midnights. And lemme tell ya. The fans found it.
And it’s confusing. Because, yea, obviously, we don’t know what’s actually going on—this is all conjecture. I’m sure in the upcoming days we’ll get a million half-truths from deuxmoi, the weekly publications, and dozens of TikTok theories that will make me beg for a lobotomy, but here are a couple of things I’ve been thinking about to prepare you for the looong road ahead.
The LA Eras Shows have been very Karlie-koded.
Ok… Eras as a whole has been very Karlie-koded, or at least very Victoria's Secret Fashion Show-coded, which will always be intrinsically linked to Karlie—but LA felt different. As someone who dabbles in Eras live streams, Taylor’s performance on 8/3 was tinged with a bit more rage than most nights. Coincidentally, it was also Karlie’s birthday.
And the LA surprise songs? Karlie-koded.
8/3 (Karlie’s Birthday) “I Can See You” and “Maroon”: A song about hiding and not being able to resist your impulses paired with the ultimate Kaylor breakup song. I was lucky enough to see “Maroon” live at MetLife, and I can tell you she was not this angry when she performed it then (when she should have played “Cornelia Street”). (Also, Karlie ordered friendship bracelets that read “cheap ass rosé,” so I think we’re done here.)
8/4 “Our Song” and “You Are in Love”: Within the Kaylor community, thee 1989 song that is associated with Karlie is “You Are in Love”, and it’s kinda funny to think that Taylor would play “Our Song” into “You Are in Love.” I mean, if you’re into conspiracies, this is where you get hooked.
8/5 “Death by a Thousand Cuts” and “You’re on Your Own, Kid”: Boy, oh boy. The legends and the lore behind “Death by a Thousand Cuts” go so deep that it has become a part of Kaylor canon. It’s about the slow demise of a relationship that parallels “Hits Different” nicely. (There are also parallels to a very popular book called The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid.) As for “You’re on Your Own, Kid,” well that’s a (friendship) breakup 101 song. So many songs about best friends this week! So peculiar!
8/7 “Dress” and “Exile”: If you didn’t think I was crazy before, you’ll definitely think I’m cuckoo bananas now. “Dress” is, perhaps, the most widely assumed Kaylor song on Reputation. To talk about “Exile,” which is a very Karlie-koded song to begin with, we have to talk about the “Bejeweled” music video. Over the lyrics “I miss you, but I miss sparkling” Taylor looks at a pocket watch that says “exile ends” with the number 2. Since the video’s release last winter Swifties have had a million interpretations of this dumb watch. But it became the general consensus that two days after “Exile” was performed something big would happen, ie. 1989 TV. And ya know what, we got one right. *message sent with invisible ink* Now Kaylors think that “exile ends” means that Taylor and Karlie will be together publicly.
8/8 “I Know Places” and “King of My Heart”: A song about sneaking around paired with another song that is a very popular Kaylor song. This one is the biggest stretch for me, I have not found a good argument for it online, but c’est la vie.
8/9 (Karlie attends the Eras Tour) “New Romantics” and “New Year’s Day”": I won’t lie, this night is the hardest for me to create an argument for. But maybe the argument is just that Karlie was there? Anyways I’m really excited to see the TikTok girlies go crazy with these two songs. “New Romantics” is arguably the best song on 1989—it’s a satirical look at “traditional” love stories, so take that as you will. And, “New Year’s Day” definitely refers to the parties Taylor and Karlie threw when they lived together (and then were referred to again in “Champagne Problems”). Also. “You and me forevermore.” I’m just saying! When you start seeing it, you see it everywhere!
Forgiveness (Taylor’s Version)
Historically, Taylor is not good at making amends. If we look at it as a venn diagram you have one circle that is her real enemies who have cost her money and/or personal/artistic strife like Kim Kardashian or Kanye West (sorry North) or Calvin Harris or John Mayer or Scooter Braun or Scott Borchetta. And in the second circle, you have her lyrical enemies, those who personally hurt her in the moment but she doesn’t have that same ire against them like Joe Jonas or Katy Perry or Harry Styles or Camilla Belle or even, Jake Gyllenhaal. She has publicly forgiven them but I wouldn’t expect to see them paling around any time soon. And who sits in the middle of the Venn diagram of hate? Karlie Kloss*.
*And probably Joe Alwyn, but also he might be too boring.
How to Apologize to Taylor Swift
Before Taylor sings “Betty” during the Eras Tour, she monologues about how she has spent her entire songwriting career womansplaining to men how to apologize. And honestly, it seems pretty easy.
Step 1. You “sit in the corner and think about what you did.”
Karlie has kept her distance and her mouth closed for quite a few years now. I think she has served her sentence of solitude while watching her ex-best friend test the heights of fame with songs about ~*their relationship*~. She is a stronger woman than I, lemme tell you that much.
Step 2. You “show up at [my] party.”
Section 200? With your run-of-the-mill Swifties thirsting for blood? They hate your guts Karlie! It’s not safe for you Karlie! You’re in danger girl! I saw a tweet of a girl wearing a Kaylor t-shirt sitting mere rows away!
And, sure, yea, I’ve read the theories that the 200-section Karlie sat in was basically just extended VIP with a special parking lot privilege and that she allegedly went down to the tent (Sure Jan meme), I think sitting Karlie in the 200 section was genius. If it was Karlie’s idea, it’s manipulation at its finest. She’s feeding herself to the wolves to prove her loyalties and how much she can withstand to be back in Taylor’s good graces. She’s saying, “Something big is going on in your life and regardless of where we are at right now I would never miss this. Hell, I will wait in a Ticketmaster queue, or buy resale because I want to be there to support you.”
And if Taylor decided to plop Karlie in the 200s, well that’s on-brand. Extremely petty and I respect it. It’s saying, “This is a test. I want you to come, and I want you to have a great view because I want you to see how good I’m doing. Because I’m fine! But I miss you so I want you to sit close. But I don’t want you to talk to my friends or have any perks because I’m still mad at you. But I’m so happy you’re here. And I’m going to play it cool, but I know this will be the best show ever. But I don’t want people to think I invited you even though I will keep looking at you during the show because I am so happy you’re here.”
first person to listen to 1989 TV
Karlie was the first person to listen to 1989 all the way through, and maybe, she was the first person to listen to 1989 TV all the way through? Meaning they reunited months ago (probably after the breakup and then the second breakup), and we are all clowns.
But, maybe, this is all just a charade?
But as always, we must stay vigilant and ask ourselves this question: Is this all fake? Is Taylor taking a page out of Kris Jenner’s book and giving us a tidbit of juicy gossip to cover up something much more scandalous that’s going on? We will never know!
Anyways, I think the lead-up to 1989 TV will be very exciting.
Peace, love, and 1989 TV. <3
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