Balloon Wars
Let the Barbz have a spy balloon.
HI. A lot of pop culture high-highs and low-lows this week
things from my phone:
things that did or didn’t happen at the grammys that you should know about:
Fashion. It happened, but did it HAPPEN? It didn’t. Celebrities are in their flop era. Blame the idea of a recession. Blame TikTok. Blame the lack of fear on the red carpet. Blame Jesus Christ himself. But I can’t do this anymore. They give us nothing.
Beyonce is a winner. She officially broke the record for most Grammy wins, but she’s never won album of the year. Peculiar.
AOTY. Beyonce nor Bad Bunny won. And I learned an important lesson—agreeing to disagree with your friends who are Harry Styles fans isn’t easy, but it’s the only way to keep the peace.
VIOLA DAVIS EGOT-ed!!!!!!!!!!
Taylor Swift showed up. And she got a photo with every single person in attendance, except Olivia Rodrigo (interesting). And she didn’t get this joke.
Kim Petras won. We love her.
Ode to Hip Hop. It needed Lil Kim and Nicki, but I loved it? All performances should be medleys. We deserve Super Bowl-level performances at every award show.
The other performances…gave me nothing. Many times I was like, “that’s your king/queen/royalty?”
(Lack of) Controversy. Some people are naturally controversial in a fun and exciting way that leaves you wondering, “what could they possibly do next?!” Unfortunately, we don’t currently have any performers like that.
Nepo Baby Judgement Part 1. Was this the first night Margaret Qualley did drugs? It’s the only possible explanation for her wearing a baseball hat to the Grammys and then sticking her tongue out nonstop in Taylor Swift’s after-party photos.
Nepo Baby Judgement Part 2. Landon Barker gives me the worst vibes. Like there’s some dark energy there.
That After-Party. Make a coffee. Get comfortable. And take some time to look at the released pictures from Taylor Swift’s after-party and let me know what everyone has in common.
things that happened in pop culture that you should know about:
NYMag released an updated guide to etiquette for 2023, and the rules were wild. Just know that if you can’t take 5 minutes out of your day to read this and tell me, “wow, what a feat,” I *will* punch you in the face.
Burberry rebranded. They brought back the serif type and Britishness. I’m happy for the designers. Big win.
A Chinese Spy Balloon was spotted over the US and eventually shot down off the coast of Myrtle Beach, SC. Conservatives were so mad, but WHAT CAN A SPY BALLOON KNOW THAT A MILLION SATELLITES AND TIKTOK DON’T ALREADY KNOW!?!?! Anyway, I was loving the memes.
Lizzo hard launched a boyfriend.
There was a viral AITA about a woman not introducing her husband as a pilot (he has never flown a plane), followed very closely by another AITA where a husband wouldn’t introduce his wife as an author (it’s not her full-time job, and she’s only written seven books). And people ask me why I’m still single.
Gawker was shut down :(
Shakira MOVED her ENTIRE home to a new plot of land. I didn’t know you could do that with real homes.
Leonardo Dicaprio is allegedly not dating that 19-year-old model. And I need everyone to chill.
Barbara Streisand is releasing a memoir this fall, and Lea Michele announced that she has 265 days to learn how to read. Funny.
RHONJ is back.
SOTU was a big win for Biden and Mitt Romney, who told (our problematic, scammer king) George Santos he doesn’t belong here. But George won’t let his haters get the last laugh.
Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher have zero chemistry.
RE: Rom-Coms are back? Jean Smart and Andy Samberg have been cast in a Rom-Com.
In the TikTok world, a make-up influencer named Mikayla is being “cancelled” for wearing fake eyelashes while promoting mascara. *Laughs in advertising*
RE: Take TikTok away. Internet phenomenon Alix Earle has been accused of being a mean girl. And… duh. Like I said last week about Apple Martin, bring back mean girls.
RE: Seriously, cancel TikTok. Bryce Hall said we need new influencer drama. Apparently, he doesn’t think Nessa Barrett and Mads Lewis reconnecting, Josh Richards being spotted with Nessa’s ex-best friend, and Jxden posting pics with Nessa’s other ex-best friend then going public with Stassie Baby is enough.
More bad things are happening with the cast of CHEER, and I refuse to look into it.
Seth Rogen said Superbad was the last great movie about high school. *Sent with Invisible Ink* And after googling “high school movies made since 2007,” …I think that aside from Easy A he’s right…
RE: Girls are funny too. Emma Stone and Lindsay Lohan are both redheads again.
RE: RIP blondes. Millie Bobby Brown has dyed her hair back to brown. RIP.
Sabrina Carpenter is the only celebrity that’s serving looks these days.
Tom Brady retired, for “real” this time. Giselle wished him well in a bless your heart kinda way.
Elon fired a senior engineer because he told Elon he wasn’t shadowbanned, he just wasn’t twitter famous anymore.
Austin Butler is going to stop using his accent.
And finally…the only thing that can mend my broken heart:
tweets I LOLed at:
things I like:
Asking people if they think vampires could be real? (to be very clear, I don’t think they are)
I’m still thinking about Banshees of Inisherin.
TikTok has influenced me into becoming an Ollie Gummy Vitamin stan. The fiber ones are WILD.
Caramel deLites > Samoas
Finishing the TikTok influencer drama chart :)
The red mschf shoes that are trending. They’re funny.
things I hate:
Every image on google is a .webp now. Give me back my .jpgs worms.
I think allergies are back in New York?
^^^Climate change!!!!
Mailing things. There is not a mailbox to be found in this godforsaken city. (I live half a block from a post office, ignore me.)
The realization that to cross things off of my to do list I have to DO them.
Bye!
looked for the MQ after party pics. couldn’t find. was she still wearing the hat?