Having a Customs Agent on Speed Dial
Also, what the hell is going on with promoted tweets?
Hi.
How is Christmas 10 days away?
things i’ve seen from my phone this week:
golden globes noms are out, aka. the beginning of my favorite season (awards):
You might be asking yourself, kel, why do we care about the Golden Globes? They’re not even televised anymore? Well. Surprise, bitch. They’re back. Mark your calendars for January 10th. Jerrod Carmichael will host. See ya there.
Top Gun: Maverick. Give it all the awards. I don’t know a better movie.
RE: I didn’t watch a lot of movies this year. There were no female directors (or their movies) nominated for best director or best picture.
Best Performance by an Actor (Movie - Drama). A Tom Cruise snub? In this economy? Whatever. Just give it to the Elvis man so he can stop talking in that accent.
Wednesday. This was my favorite show of the year.
Abbott Elementary. Give them all the awards.
White Lotus. When a show follows narratives from multiple characters, I find it weird that everyone is considered a supporting character. Mostly I just think that Jennifer Coolidge should have been nominated in the Best Actress category so Aubrey and Meghan could be nominated in the Supporting Actress category.
Murders In The Building. I’m hoping this is a safe space because you all know that I love this show. And Selena is in my top 5. But... I’m not sure she deserved a nom this year. She deserved a nom last year when she was rudely snubbed, but this just feels like a sympathy nom? IDK!
House of the Dragon. I never finished this. Did people actually like this?
Euphoria. Zendaya got a nomination for Best Actress (TV - Drama), but it’s really shocking the show got no other nominations. Sydney Sweeney’s meltdown was for nothing?
Howwwwwww did Kaley Cuoco get a nom for The Flight Attendant? HOW?
pop culture news from the past week:
A whale washed up on Rockaway Beach, and now you must watch this video of an exploding HWale (tysm sarah)
wise words from gracie Page Six said, “Dua Lipa and Jack Harlow are dating…”
@LadyEfron on tiktok got a new couch, and now I think I want a new couch.
Diddy had a secret baby with a 28-year-old cyber security specialist.
Justice for Megan Thee Stallion.
Katie Holmes wore a bodycon dress over jeans. Buckle up babes, here we goooooo.
Brittany Griner is coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RE: This is a sports newsletter now. France beat Morocco and will now play Argentina in the championCHIP game!!! The World Cup is far too long. Wow.
I’m sorry, this is the most embarrassing man in the world. I’m cringing.
El*n was booed at a Dave Chappelle show.
Nessa announced her tour (see you in March).
Sabrina Carpenter announced the second leg of her tour (see you in May). Did anyone listen to nonsense this week like I asked? No? Ok. Noted.
Taylor turned 32 this week, and the “Shake It Off” lawsuit was dismissed meaning she can released 1989 (Taylor’s Version) at any second. Stay vigilante swifties.
RE: Evil Blonde Woman. She posted a photo of her and Jack in the studio. I’m so tired.
Ticketmaster is being fined by Mexico over a Bad Bunny concert gone wrong
Henry Cavill quit The Witcher so he could go back to being Super Man, but now he’s fired from being Super Man?
Yet again, Matty Healy is kissing everyone except for me. This time it’s Phoebe Bridgers.
things I’m watching:
Friday Night Lights. I’ve made it to season two. And I forgot so much. I forgot about Lyla’s Jesus arc. I forgot about the baby. I forgot about how pissed I would be if I was Tammie Taylor. And, so far, I am not hating Julie Taylor as much as I remember (this also happened to me with Little J during my Gossip Girl rewatch).
White Lotus. Spoilers, obviously. I loved the ending. I really did. I have zero complaints. I think the yacht scene was perfect and hilarious, it made up for all the anxiety I had while watching the previous two episodes. Excited for everyone to sweep award season. And, honestly, excited this show is over. I’m not sure why it stresses me out as much as it does, but whatever. See you all in Thailand next year. Let’s get Meghan that Emmy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meghan & Harry Doc. I watched the first episode and honestly I’m bored. They’re very cute, but I’ll just stick to the twitter discourse.
things I like:
Low-stakes hangs.
BFFs last week was one of the funniest things I’ve ever watched. Can someone explain to me who Theo Von is? He’s definitely canceled, right? Or has been canceled in the past? Whatever. They’re all canceled I think. He’s a perfect addition. Please watch this cocaine bear clip.
Drinking a chilled red in December.
Pat already released his resolutions for 2023. I’m feeling behind because my planner is still held up in customs!!!!!!!!
things I hate:
It doesn’t feel like winter? I love seasons. I need some Christmas Cheer around here.
I started a conversation yesterday with, “In defense of Bonefish Grill…”
Participate in this Worst Tweets of 2022 bracket at your own risk. I recognized far too many tweets.
Apparently, we are not all on the same tiktok; Nurse Gigi has been talking me off the buccal fat removal ledge for at least 2 years now.
Does anyone want to buy my peloton? I’ll make you a really really good deal.
Bye <3
Oops. Taylor turned 33. My b.