Homie Hopper Drama <3
Have you ever wondered what it'd be like if Britney and Justin broke up in the time of TikTok?
salut mes amis.
I will not apologize for my absence. Sometimes you just need to do (or think about) nothing for 8 weeks except watch a villa full of British people in Mallorca fall in love. But as of Monday all of my friends have left the continent and returned to the UK, so I’m left with a gaping hole in my life. I’m giving all of you people who watch Love Island UK on hulu (derogatory) 10 days to catch up and then all bets are off. We will be checking in with the winners (and losers) WEEKLY. I miss my friends.
Anyways. I think it’s time we return to my roots, my first love, hype house drama.
DISCLAIMER: I won’t be talking about the Josh/Nessa/Jxden drama today. Sorry if that upsets you. When Jxden drops a diss track, we will reassess. And, as usual, all my info is from BFFs—I will NOT be googling any further.
Let’s set the scene. Picture this. It’s late 2019. Pre-pandemic. Back when tiktok was nothing but a vine knockoff that no one thought would take off. A more simple time when hype houses only appealed to their non-famous peers, not late 20-something/early 30-something freelance art directors with a passion for drama.
December 2019.
A dancing girl (Charli) and an emo boy ([Lil] Huddy, real name Chase Hudson) meet in The Hype House (FYI: every one of those TikTokers you know were in either Hype House or Sway House).
They fall in love.
Charli becomes INSANELY popular.
They are thee IT couple (on TikTok).
They break up in April 2020 (allegedly Huddy was DMing other girls and kissed Nessa, thus ending his friendship with Josh Richards…but I can’t speak on that).
Charli and Dixie leave The Hype House the same month.
Charli and Huddy get back together in May 2020.
They break up in July 2020.
And then they never officially get back together. But they did? On BFFs Josh says that Charli and Huddy were on and off until “very recently.” And while I think Josh is one of the most untrustworthy men in America I don’t think he actually lies. He is very successful, very smart, and VERY well-versed in media politics (not political media, very different). Josh excels at getting views and furthering storylines without getting himself in trouble. He’s as much of a producer as he is talent. We love to see it. But today isn’t about Josh!! Stop trying to get me to talk about Josh!!
For the next two years, our kids are (secretly) breaking up and getting back together while Charli continues to become more and more famous. Her sister gets popular. They get a tv show. Now I know her parents' names. Parallels to the Kardashians are drawn. And at the same time, Huddy is making music. Shockingly good music. Like old-school good emo music. Far better than Jxden’s MGK knockoff music in my eyes… (can I please stop??) But we can’t give Huddy all the credit—he was working with Travis Barker (founding emo father). Travis was his co-writer, producer, and the father of Huddy’s best friend, Landon Barker.
So yea, that’s what we’re here to talk about. Friendship and backstabbing. Specifically male friendship in this LA TikTok world. At this point, Huddy has traded in his hype house boys for a new set of emo boyfriends (Travis, MGK, Jxden, and Landon). And you know what we say to that? Good for Huddy. It’s so hard for TikTokers to break free from the TikToker label, and I think befriending Landon was a great first step. He’s leveling up. And who doesn’t love a new bromance best friendship?? I tip my PR hat to the Huddy Team. Huddy and Landon become really fucking close. So close that Landon takes Huddy as his plus one to the Travis and Kourtney wedding. You know the one. The Dolce & Gabbana throw-up fest?
Charli and Huddy break up for the last time around then (May 2022).
INTERLUDE: Ok before we go any further, some background on Landon. (This will make it seem like I want to talk about Jxden/Nessa/Josh, but I don’t.) Around the time of the wedding, Landon Barker broke up with his girlfriend Josie Canseco because she allegedly cheated on Landon with Jxden, which is allegedly the reason Jxden and Nessa broke up. Ok. I’m sorry. I just had to get that out.
So here we are, Summer 2022. Huddy is single and in the studio. Charli and Landon are…on Instagram. Charli posts a pic of her kissing Landon, chaos ensues. Huddy previews a song on TikTok about a homie hopper and alludes to an overlap of Huddy/Charli and Charli/Landon. Charli doubles down and posts Landon to the grid. Huddy films an absolutely insane music video and gives us the song of the summer. It, of course, goes viral on TikTok and my Spotify. Big “Cry Me A River” vibes from that man I don’t speak of.
And now Landon is saying that Huddy was never his friend. Which is obvious because he’s dating Huddy’s ex-girlfriend and what are you supposed to say? You can’t be like yea I just stabbed my best friend in the back?
Also, good for Charli. If you’re going to have a diss track written about you, it should be this good.
Things That Happened In Popular Culture Recently That You Should Know About
Kim allegedly broke up with Pete. Kanye and Kim are allegedly back together (I believe this and I’ve been saying it)
Shakira is going to prison. How do we save her?
Maggie Rogers has a new album and it’s perfect.
Beyonce has a new album and it makes me want to do dr*gs. In a good way.
Bodies, Bodies, Bodies is out and Lee Pace looked SO hot at the premiere.
Apparently Elvis is good?
HBO MAX and DiscoveryFLOP will merge next summer, but HBO MAX scripted isn’t going anywhere…allegedly.
Lady Gaga is gonna be in a super hero movie with the scary actor guy
Ezra Miller is still wreaking havoc. He might have started a cult? More to come.
Dane Cook is engaged to child bride
Alex Jones’s lawyer accidentally sent Alex’s entire phone contents to the prosecutor and this is truly art.
Britney wanted to get married in a Catholic church but the pope said no (another L for the church)
Taylor Swift rides in her private jet a lot, there were good memes, lots of laughs, goodbye sweet earth.
Honestly idk about anything else because all of my thoughts are about Love Island.
What I’m Watching
Love Island. Are you serious. Are you joking. It’s the only thing on TV in my mind.
Other Things I Like
Talking about Love Island
Love Island memes
When other people watch Love Island
August, as a concept
Leo SZN
Carmen Sandiego, great hair and good style, 10/10
Some Things I Hate
Knowing the news
The American Government
When people get weird on twitter
Space, The Sun, Time. Stop telling me about these things.
When men have an attitude
When I send THIS tweet and no one responds in the GC
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Anyways, that’s it! I’m going to France (Paris and Provence area) for 3 weeks in September, so please give me all of your recommendations!
Go finish Love Island and we’ll talk soon!
Bye slay girl pussy boss queens <3