I'm Busy Working, so No More @ Pls 💕
That's a lie. I'm unemployed & beautiful, so pls @ me!
HELLO!
Happy December?? Maybe I’ll stop being me next year… this is a very long email.
things from my phone that haven’t made it into a group chat:
pop culture news from the past month that you probably have already heard about, but now I’m reminding you if you need small talk topics for the weeks leading up to christmas:
Not to start on a downer (and I doubt this will come as a surprise), but I need to say it. I’m not gonna talk about that man or his ex-wife or her family anymore. I’m tired. I don’t care. They are bad people. They don’t deserve a single bullet point in my beautiful and perfect newsletter. Plus I don’t like them. And what is the newsletter called? Things I like. My opinion is summed up by this tweet perfectly.
LUCA AND GEMMA FINALLY BROKE UP. THANK THE GODS.
We thought twitter was going to end, but it hasn’t. Sometimes I even forget that El*n bought it, but then I get an ad from a nobody account about biohacking, and I’m like, “oh yea, he’s an idiot.”
Apparently, it is easier to get into Harvard than get Taylor Swift tickets. 💅🏼
RE: Taylor. Drake is a big baby and deleted his photo of Taylor from his IG because she stole his #1 debut spot on the Hot 100. Idiot baby man.
Nepo baby, Lily-Rose Depp, is the newest nepo baby to reject the term nepo baby.
New album from SZA on Friday!!!!!
RE: New music from the girlies. Lana Del Rey announced that her 9th studio album is being released in March. And god I just love her.
Todd Chrisley is going to jail for 12 years. Julie Chrisley is going to jail for 7 years (I lost an amazing tweet that was like “what will Julie do in jail?” and someone replied “probably nails.”) Thoughts and prayers for my favorite reality tv couple.
RE: Prison. My favorite girl boss, Elizabeth Holmes, is going to prison. Thoughts and prayers queen <3
REx2: Prison. Jen Shah doesn’t have a shot in hell at a shorter sentence. But her sentencing got moved to January.
Keke Palmer is pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love seeing a tall with a short. Will someone please for the love of god talk to me about Sabrina Carpenter’s album?
Julia Fox has been very entertaining. My thoughts.
GQ agreed with me that Andrew Garfield is the most attractive man alive. I will die when his Chicken Shop Date comes out. Here’s his interview with Amelia.
RE: Amelia. Here’s her interview with Aitch... Yes. It is making me feel a type of way. I love them.
Hilary Duff is 35 and not dead so that’s good.
Anya Taylor-Joy can’t drive.
Taylor Lautner got married to a girl named Taylor. Making them the Taylor Lautners.
Nancy Pelosi eats a hot dog every day for lunch.
Re: Politics. Tiffany Trump got married. Can I please get some Kloss goss?
Locals are saying Pete Davidson is dating Emily Ratjakowski, but I don’t believe it. Every time they are photographed together I believe it LESS. Pete is BFFs with Emily’s ex-husband? Real life, they watch sports together, kind of bros.
RE: Pete. I need new characters. I’m so tired of him dating every skinny brunette in the world.
BowJoJo (™ Who Weekly) is feuding with DJ from Full House.
Charli D’amelio won the dancing show.
Miley turned 30. She’s still perfect.
Oh yea, Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles broke up. And Harry Styles’ birth chart was revealed, turns out he’s a monster.
Lindsay Lohan doesn’t do drugs anymore, but she does drink Pepsi with milk.
Martin Scorsese is in on the joke about Goncharov, and he’s currently the only celebrity I like.
RE: Hot Women. Selena can do no wrong.
Two GMA anchors from Hour 3 are having an affair, and the internet is obsessed with them? Possibly the luckiest D-list celebrities of all time. ABC put them on “hiatus.”
RE: Cheaters. The dude has apparently slept around with most of the GMA office. I miss office drama.
Nick Cannon is having another baby. I think it’s different than the baby I mentioned last time, but who can really keep track?
Matt Healy is kissing everyone in the world except for me.
Julia Roberts wore a dress covered In George Clooney’s face.
Nessa Barrett is dating a new boy who kinda looks like Josh Richards. Josh isn’t taking it well.
If a pop star is still working with Dr. Luke in 2022… they should be canceled. I’m sorry. I don’t know what the fuck is still going on in Hollywood that we think we can forgive problematic men because they’ve been quiet for a year.
RE: Evil Men. Kelly Rowland and Jennifer Hudson want to un-cancel Chris Brown and I need less opinions from celebrities.
The World Cup is going on and everyone is hot. Like really hot.
what I’m watching:
Wednesday. I’m obsessed. I’m so obsessed that I watched it again. Watch it. Jenna is magic. If you were a Christina Ricci stan (like me) growing up you will love it.
Friday Night Lights. Picture this. It’s a Thursday (last Thursday to be exact). You’re unemployed and have zero responsibilities. There is no good reason for you to leave your house (can’t spend money), no good reason for you to open your laptop (can’t spend money), and no good reason for you to scroll on any device (can’t spend money); so what do you do? You make nachos and watch XX hours of a beloved tv show. A show with depth. A show with so many plots. A show with slow-burn romances. A show with so much character development that you feel like you could text the characters at any moment. You watch a 1990/2000s masterpiece. I’d allow Gossip Girl, Gilmore Girls, One Tree Hill (I saw Peyton at Vic’s last week), Dawson’s Creek, Beverly Hills 90210, or even, 90210. Watch all 21 episodes. Perhaps you should watch them all in one day. I feel like a broken record when I say this, but they simply just do not make television like this anymore. Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Can’t lose.
White Lotus. I like this season a lot. But I think I only like it more than season one because I love Meghann Fahy and Aubrey Plaza. They are very important to me. And it’s true that somehow Theo James becomes hotter every episode. I can’t explain it. Also. Jennifer Coolidge won’t die. Please stop that rhetoric. Here’s to hoping Laura Dern shows up on Sunday to identify a body. Anywho, make Meghann a star! Watch The Bold Type! I should have added that in my list above!
Stick It. This a reminder that you should revisit your favorite movie from high school at least once a year.
Little Women. This is a reminder that you should revisit your favorite movie once a month.
things I like:
When we had icons on tv (teem mom might actually still be happening)
Calling anything I do “pre-viral”
New bits.
When an American genuinely calls soccer football in a conversation with me.
Remembering that Lily James and Matt Smith are an on-again off-again thing.
Seeing everyone’s spotify wrapped
things I hate:
Did you know that Duane Reade doesn’t sell decks of cards???
When there is only one Haim sister. I need to see all three of them together or not at all.
Having long covid in 2022.
Forever thankful for everyone who reads my dumb (and smart/insightful/funny) thoughts <3
Thanks so much. I have covid and this was really healing. Can you do one about how the baby challenge episodes on love island should be banned?