Saying Bye Bye to January
Dreaming of a life where I could do these weekly instead of dumping ~55 pages of pop culture news every three weeks.
We made it. One month down. A lot happened and I liked a loooot of tweets.
here are a few things from my phone in the month of January:
things that happened at the golden globes:
What do you like to do on a Tuesday night? Probably relax, maybe catch up on some Housewives, perhaps have after-work drinks with a co-worker? I’m guessing you want to take it easy after making it through the beginning of the week (always the worst part). Perhaps treat yourself, have a little cocktail, be bad!
Do you know what I like to do on a Tuesday night? Go to a Soulcycle class, have a glass of wine, and watch three to five episodes of That 70s Show. Do you know what I did the night of January 10th 2023? I was “Miss Souled*,” with no wine, and watching a red carpet that no one wanted to attend. Which made me question—why are we still trying to make the Golden Globes work?
*Every time I miss a class I spend precious minutes trying to figure out what this is supposed to be a euphemism for.
As per usual, there were a few winners and a lot more losers. (Also, a lot of TikTokers in attendance, including Josh Richards, who said on the red carpet, “The next time I’m at the Golden Globes I’ll be winning an award.” Lol. Ok. Same.)
Abbot Elementary won. Michelle Yeoh won. Austin Butler’s accent won. Jennifer Coolidge won. Mike White won. Colin Farrell won (and was unhinged). Negroni Sbagliatos won. Zendaya, Cate Blanchett, and Amanda Seyfried won, but didn’t bother to show up (because this awards show is fake). Ryan Murphy won a lifetime achievement award (always such a weird award to receive when you’re still alive).
Colin Farell Colin Farrell-ed.
Puss in Boots was SNUBBED (still haven’t seen it).
And, here I am, still telling everyone how much I liked Babylon. But Margot. Please, for the love of god, get a new stylist or something. We thought the Chanel contract was over??
These men looked nice. And this did happen.
things that happened at the critic’s choice awards:
After the disaster that was The Golden Globes I didn’t bother to watch The Critic’s Choice Awards. A lot of celebs (Colin Farrell amongst them) weren’t attending because they had COVID, and I knew I could catch the highlights on twitter. Plus… they were only being shown on …The CW. I figured I didn’t need to purposefully torture myself in the dark dark DARK days of January. So I went out. Sue me.
But then I saw the red carpet. And reader, I was floored.
The girlies—they shocked me. They really stepped it up for this one. Maybe it’s because there wasn’t a TikTok star in sight. I know I feel safer when they’re not around.
Again, there were a few winners and many, many losers. But no surprises.
pop culture news you should know about that happened in the month of January:
If you only want to know one thing, know that Channing Tatum is writing a romance novel with Roxanne Gay.
New Gawker is gone :(
Molly Mae and Tommy had their baby :) They named her Bambi. And I love it. I LOVE IT.
Greta Thunberg was arrested.
A lot of beauty TikTokers went to Dubai on a brand trip, and TikTok is losing their mind at how this is possible (because no one really truly knows how advertising works).
RE: Help me escape the ads. Ben Affleck is probably doing a S*per B*wl spot for Dunkin Donuts, and JLO was there.
RE: Brands Big Night Out. M&Ms is doing a PR stunt where they’re replacing the M&Ms mascots with Maya Rudolph. And reader, the people are fucking losing it. This a reminder that the American people’s psyche is never more fragile than in the weeks leading up to the Big Game™.
RE: Ok last one. Timmy really got me here.
George Santos is doing what Caroline Calloway could never do.
RE: The Gift of the Grift. Anna Delvy is back. She’s getting paid to throw parties and have a tv show all in her apartment while under house arrest.
Beyonce performed in Dubai for an hour and was paid like $35MM or something crazy.
RE: $. Bey’s tour has been announced. I’m scared.
Boygenius released three songs? In January? In the dead of winter? Are they trying to kill me? Obsessed with their Rolling Stone cover story.
RE: Fuuuucking Emily. Jesus Christ Feebs.
RE: I don’t know how much more I can take. Phoebe was spotted with rando man Bo Burnham. I don’t know him. I don’t like him. Someone told me he sings jokes and now I actively hate him.
RE: I’m in mourning for this couple I don’t know. I’ve become what I always hated—one of those people (crying at a fan cam). I’m just glad that Paul is mourning too.
RE: I can’t think of them not on the red carpet together. Paul Mescal was nominated for an Oscar, and we’re all so proud of our sweet Irish boy.
People are FINALLY listening to Nonsense!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’VE BEEN BEGGING ALL OF YOU FOR MONTHS.
Miley released an amazing new bop allegedly about (love of my life) Liam Hemsworth (it also happened to be released on his birthday).
Jeff Bezos’ hot girlfriend is going to space.
Taylor performed at The 1975 concert in London, proving that Matty will do ANYTHING to not sing.
RE: Tall Blonde Girl. She released the Lavender Haze music video and prepare yourself for my controversial opinion. She needs to stop directing her music videos. Or get more people in the room who will challenge her ideas, because literally showing the metaphors from her lyrics will be the death of me.
I’m too weak to talk about Paris Fashion Week. I’m so tired.
RE: But never too tired to discuss nepo babies! Apple Martin made her debut! The new wave of IT girls is here!
RE: Goop is not for the girls. Allegedly, Apple had to switch schools because she was a “bully.” Personally, I’m here for it. We need a mean girl renaissance. If we’re gonna relive the 2000s, we need to relive the 2000s. Bring back mean girls! Her mother is Gwyneth Paltrow and her father is Chris Martin—you should be so lucky to be bullied by her.
Glenn Powell and Sydney Sweeney are going to be in a romcom together.
Cartier is no longer authenticating their love bracelets because the fakes are so good that they can’t tell the difference. This is funny.
I have been hearing far too much about The Chainsmokers recently.
Emrata is still doing her “I’m just like every other girl” tour and is now dating Eric Andre.
RE: Pretty girls love to complain. She also said that she attracts the worst kinds of men. And Dave had a really funny bit on BFFs about how the real problem is that she has horrible taste because, obviously, anyone would attract the worst men when they attract EVERY man.
Madonna is going on tour. (Taylor, Beyonce, and Madonna in one summer? Pouring one out for the gays.)
RE: One less Oscar nomination for the girlies. After a grueling summer of putting Hollywood’s hottest actresses through a Navy Seals-esque Bootcamp, the Madonna biopic has been shelved. Julia Garner can now grow out her hair.
Alec Baldwin is being charged with involuntary manslaughter for the accidental misfire that took place on set for his new movie.
I’m obsessed with all the STUFF Michael Imperioli has in his apartment.
A man named Aaron Taylor Johnson allegedly cheated on his (much older) wife with Joey King (weird)? But we’re happy about it? Because the wife groomed him or something? I honestly don’t know who this man is. I googled and thought he was The Bear guy, but he’s not?
Vanessa Hudgens will have the last laugh, I’m manifesting it.
RE: That’s right. The accent man is finally giving credit where credit is due.
Keke Palmer has been live-streaming her playing The Sims.
New Gossip Girl has been canceled. *invisible ink* thank god, I’m finally free.
Elon lost MORE money. More money than anyone has ever lost ever :)
Gia Giudice is going to University of Michigan!!! We love her!!!!!!
Jeffree Star is back? And dating a football player? Cancel culture is so not real.
I said I would look into the weird relationship surrounding Selena, Brooklyn & Nicole Beckam-Peltz. But I haven’t. It is just honestly too weird.
Aubrey Plaza is blonde.
Love Island UK is back. But I’m actually very busy watching movies right now. Sorry.
People were arguing about stoves on the internet. I had to look up what induction meant.
Next year I’m going to Sundance. I want to wear a puffer coat as a dress.
I’m still thinking and talking about M3GAN.
what I’m watching:
That 70s Show. It’s back. It’s on Peacock. Humanity is getting closer and closer to being fully restored.
That 90s Show. It’s cute, it’s fine. The guest appearances were a lot of fun, but it has no snark or edge that the original has. Shows made for teens these days are either terrifying (Euphoria) or so benign (Tall Girl, never forget).
Love Island UK Season 3. When I was editing my “How To Watch Love Island” guide I started to rewatch season three in the background, and it is truly one of the best seasons of television ever made.
I’m still trying to figure out how to approach all of my Oscar thoughts, and I’m still making my way through all the nominee’s movies. But last week I watched The Banshees of Inisherin…and I loved it. I really really REALLY loved it. It was funny. It was a relatable story about friendship and depression and communication and pushing people just a little too far. It was absurd. I had fun. I love Irish people.
When I say I’m busy watching movies, I’m not lying. Sarah and I have developed a habit where once a week, we watch 2 to 3, possibly 4 movies from our formative years. I’ve watched more movies since January 1st than I did all of last year.
Juno. They just don’t make them like this anymore.
Easy A. They just don’t make them like this anymore x2.
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen. Honestly, not as good as I remember.
Drive Me Crazy. Actually so much better than I remembered.
Ella Enchanted. Anne, I love you. I always have.
Pride & Prejudice. A comfort rewatch.
10 Things I Hate About You. The perfect movie.
The Perfect Date. I love Noah Centineo.
Leap Year. I don’t remember a single thing about this movie.
random tweets I liked:
things I like:
Last weekend I was sitting at a coffee shop in Williamsburg and overheard a group of girls chatting about the conspiracy theory that Anne Hathaway and her husband are actually William Shakespeare and his wife time-traveling. It is now canon.
Watching my dog try to catch a fly that’s trapped in my apartment.
Brie Larson’s online presence.
I am strong enough to admit that I loved Daisy Jones & the Six. I don’t love Taylor Jenkins Reid’s kitschy writing style, but it really worked for Daisy. It also felt like (how many books feel these days) it was written to be a tv show. And. Well. I can’t wait for March.
This.
TimTams. The Australians have figured it out.
things I hate:
Flash mobs. Especially flash mobs on the subway.
Twitter has honestly been ruined for me. It’s not fun anymore. *realizing I have embedded a hundred tweets in this email*
I’m seeing a lot of ChatGp something or other. Idk. I’m not going to participate in the AI discussion unless it’s really embarrassing portraits of people I know and love. Let the AI kill me.
Far too many birthdays this time of year. Gotta up my day rate just to afford cards.
Happy February! ILYSM!