Happy Tuesday girlies.

We have SO much to talk about.

Love Island is back! And last week I went out 4 weeknights in a row (do not recommend)! I’ve started using Ponaris again and I forgot how gross it is. I’ve completely freaked myself out about the recession. I had REAL dairy for the first time in a very long time and now think I’m hallucinating (a real thing). And I’ve listened to Ruben Studdard’s “Sorry 2004“ enough times that it will absolutely be in my spotify wrapped top songs.

You might be like wow kel, busy bee, what’s up next? Well, I still have my french class, a couple of kikis (happy pride), AND I’m seeing PHOEBE BRIDGERS on Thursday with “special” “guests.” Like Phoebe’s going to have special guests, not that I’m bringing “special” “guests.” LMK in the comments if you have any theories on who the “special” “guests” are. I had a dream it was Miley Cyrus, but in my actual dreams it’s Maggie or Taylor. It won’t be, but hey, these are my dreams.

me, a grandma at the phoebe bridgers concert

I don’t have a good transition.

Where Reality Meets Music: The Beginning*

*As in the real “where reality meets music” should be focused on Diddy and Danity Kane because that was art and history and we should never forget the absolute chaos Aubrey O’Day has caused (do you remember?).

If I’m being completely honest, I don’t really care to talk about anyone other than Ruben Studdard, but this section was lacking a bit so I did some light googling of other American Idol fan faves. Feel free to point out your own American Idol fun facts in the comments or directly to me.

And it gives me the chance to share this tiktok. Also, I can embed tiktoks now! #WomenInSTEM

@goodchildrenpod american idol deep cuts in this weeks #goodchildrenpod out now

Tiktok failed to load.

Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser

Kelly Clarkson. She has a talk show now. Twitter says it’s good because she keeps singing covers of pop songs, then they go viral and everyone tweets “that’s MY American Idol!” This literally happens every week, which really hammers home the point of the podcast video. She used to be married to Reba’s step son but I think they had a really bad divorce. I just rewatched her “A Moment Like This” music video and it is 100% a 9/11 Song™ (a song you associate with 2001-2003ish).

Jennifer Hudson. She just EGOT-ed! She’s a star! Louise from St Louis and Che Diaz collab WHEN!?

Carrie Underwood. This song is gd bop.

Clay Aiken. He came out in 2008 (Happy Pride!). And I was so positive he was cancelled for being pro-tr*mp, but I guess I made that up? I honestly skipped right down to his personal life on wiki and didn’t bother reading anything else. Can someone else do a deep dive?

Ok. These are the only ones I remember off the top of my head. Glad we got that out of the way.

Remembering Ruben

The Artist. The Poet. The One. The Only.

(He’s not dead, he’s totally fine. You’ve just forgotten about him, like I did.)

Last week FotN (friend of the newsletter), Courtney, reminded me of this song, and when I tell you I haven’t listened to anything else since then….I’m not even being slightly dramatic.

Enjoy my annotated lyrics. (Also I can embed spotify links?? The future is now!)

Ruben, call me. I have a lot of ideas. I think this could be big. Let’s get in the studio. Let’s make some merch. Let’s Always Be Apologizing!

imagine the 2023 apology calendar that reminds you to apologize for the upcoming 2024. I have big ideas rube!

LMK what your favorite forgotten song was from the 2000s.

This was fun. Should I get an MFA?

Things That Happened In Popular Culture Recently That You Should Know About

Britney got married and the pictures are unbelievable. I must believe you’ve already seen them. Find them. Print them out. Hang them around your home.
Paris Hilton bailed on Joe Biden to go to Brit’s wedding. As she should. *cue the “before I’m an American, I’m a Britney fan” video*
Taylor Swift went to the Tribeca Film Festival and tix were over $1800. The article made me cry. I love this weird theater art horse glee girlie sm.
Drake also knows how to read! Or at least how to curate a book stack that will impress any gen z/millennial girl.
New Maggie. I love it.
Julia Fox “decided to walk to increase the chances of being papped cus the world needs this look.” No, I won’t link, but god I love her.
Lori Harvey dumped Michael B Jordan and he cried at a basketball game.
Selena Gomez is having a good month!
Millie Bobbie Brown was on hot ones and I laughed. She seems fun.
The tiny girl from West Side Story (seriously, she’s so small, did you see the movie? if you stack 3 of her one on top of the other she would barely be as tall as Ansel/Miles) is going to be in the new Hunger Games. Has anyone read the new book? Should I read it? The first Hunger Games book was a huge turning point in my life, and I love it so much. I will not hear a word of slander against Hunger Games. I won’t listen to it. (Ok the last book sucked. *spoiler* Justice for Gale.)
There was a lot of Bechdel test twitter drama. Whatever. Fire Island was great.
Liam Payne said a lot of dumb shit about One Direction.
Ansel Egort (Elgort? Idk I’m not looking it up) is NOT the same person as Miles Teller. And I am SORRY.
Foodgod hosted a food truck rally at the Hertz at LAX
Ray Liotta died :(
Martha Stewart had a lobster dinner and made comments on the (lobster) industry as a whole. Also, just found out she keeps sliced white American cheese next to her bed? This feels like planted info from Big Dairy™ but I’m intrigued.
Cardi B watched a yacht sink.
Rita Ora and Taika Waititi are engaged? Maybe married. Idk. They are so chaotic. Listen to Who Weekly.
Beyonce is doing SOMETHING while Jay and Blue go to a basketball game!

What I’m Watching

Hacks. A perfect show. 10/10. No notes. I don’t want another season unless it’s about Kayla and Jimmy. The ending was perfect. The last episode was perfect. I was heartbroken and excited and god I love this show. I don’t want it to be ruined by forcing another season.

RHOBH. Only Bravo show I’m keeping up, mostly so I can listen to SUP. I love this season so far. Everyone is so annoying.

Love Island is back. And it gets its own section because I’m watching it 6 nights a week.

****SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY****

I have come full circle on Gemma. Is she annoying? Absolutely. Show me a 19-year-old who isn’t annoying*. She’s a living breathing nepo baby sugar mama with 13 horses. Her dad is the best soccer player of all time (not positive about this) and in my mind that makes her on par with British royalty. I don’t care that she’s mean or annoying, I love complaining about rich people on tv (it’s why I watch Bravo). I hope they bring in every boy she’s ever had a crush on/dated/kissed/etc. Let’s go.
Ekin Su (Egg and Soup) was created in a lab to ruin everyone’s summer and I’m here for it.
Dami is the only good man in that villa.
Is Davide funny? More to come. This story is still developing.
I miss Liam :( my silly boy who didn’t understand raisins.
Jacques is an absolute himbo and I’m here for it.
Indiyah is the prettiest girl in the villa but I just don’t see the chemistry between her and Ikenna. Can’t wait for the new boys.
Luca should go swim with his fish.
I honestly haven’t thought about anyone else.

*Molly Mae had just turned 20 when she entered the villa and everyone (twitter) hated her at first, so I’m curious if Gemma is going to have the same kind of redemption arc since that was obviously what the producers had in mind. It’s far too early to tell. We have 7 more weeks!

Some More Things I Love:

MFAs are chic. MBAs are embarrassing.
Being petite. So smoll.
The Libby app. We are reading this summer. We are starting salons. We are calling ourselves philosophers. We are so unbelievably smart with our public library app!
I have my Harry’s House album ranking ready to go. LMK when you’re ready.
The new summer cups from Starbucks are 10/10. I bought the hot and cold. I don’t drink hot drinks but they are very cute.
Hanging out at the library!
3-day weekends. I would take a full-time job if I got a 3-day weekend. Also this.
That’s my airline.
Eric Adams fighting with Eric Adams. :)
******* are the new ****

Some Things I Hate:

This is the funniest picture I’ve ever seen in my life and I’m mad that I’m not in it.
Sims influencers. (OK. I’m just jealous.)
Having anxiety after a night out. We’re not doing it anymore. Don’t be embarrassed of whatever dumb thing you said. Was it stupid? Probably. But do you know how many stupid things other people are currently saying right now? Probably SO many stupid things. Also. You have the Libby app, so you can’t be stupid. Problem solved.
Coconut yogurt. Fully out. I know I said it was in, but that was past me and present me wants to tell you it is so gross.
It feels like everyone I know is in New Orleans or Paris right now and *I* want to be in New Orleans or Paris right now.

Ok. I have to go work now, I guess. Stream “Sorry 2004”! Text me!

PS. Here’s a DALL-E of Phoebe Bridgers drinking orange soda.