If you’re reading this, I’m guessing it’s my favorite time of year and we can finally talk about the thing I like most of all...

Welcome Islanders, hundreds of new bombshells are entering the villa!

Subscribe now

You heard that right—the UK’s hottest 20somethings are currently living it up in Majorca for our entertainment.

If you are a veteran of Love Island, march on! Enjoy! Text me your thoughts! Use this link to watch live instead of waiting for episodes to drop on Hulu!

BUT if this is your first time in the Love Island Multiverse (aka the UK), I have some advice.

You might be like c’mon this is just a TV show. But you’d be wrong. Love Island is a lifestyle, and I’m a self-proclaimed connoisseur who is happy to be your guide on this journey. Because I really believe that there is a right and a wrong way to watch this show.

First, I recommend having the Love Island Dictionary handy at all times. They speak English, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.

How It Works

Day One (or Day Dot). Five girls show up to a stunning villa in Majorca, wearing their highest heels and tiniest bikinis. Their extensions blow in the wind as they tumble out of brightly colored Jeep Wranglers. Once in the villa they are given a single glass of champagne and five (or so) guys arrive to pick the girl they want to couple with—without ever speaking to each other.

*This is cringe. It’s problematic. But. As they say, it is what it is. They’ve explored other ways of doing the initial coupling, but no matter what, it always feels gross.

Couples. Once a bird and a lad couple up, they will crack on, meaning they sleep in the same bed, give cuddles, do challenges together, make each other breakfast, etc. However, even though they are a couple, they are not “exclusive,” so they are still free to get to know anyone else in the villa. In the early days, the couples don’t matter much because everyone is “open to getting to know everyone.”

My number ones. My babes. My safe space. Molly-Mae & Tommy Fury <3

Bombshells. Every couple of days, the producers bring in a really hot person to stir things up. They do a slow-motion walk into the villa, ready to wreak havoc on the islanders' relationships and really "test" our couples. Many of the most iconic islanders were bombshells.

As far as bombshells go, Maura (s5) is only rivaled by Ekin-Su (s8) and Meg (s4).

“I got a text!” When the producers need to make an announcement, they send a text to whichever islander seems to be the most bored. Chaos ensues. The chosen islander screams, “I’ve got a text,” and all the other islanders drop whatever they’re doing (usually napping or working out) and rush to their side to hear the text message read aloud (always a painful experience).

Recouplings. Once a week (sometimes twice), the islanders gather around the fire pit—the main stage for drama in the villa—and pick partners. Depending on the drama that has unfolded during the week, either the girls will pick the boys or vice versa. This usually happens after a bombshell has been introduced, creating an odd number of girls or boys, which leaves the newly single islanders at risk of being dumped from the island!

The islanders who are picking have to give a speech about why they want to couple up with their partner, and they’re just as good as you’d expect.

The Evolution of a Couple. As the season progresses, we watch the couples progress through a wiiiiiide range of labels. They go from cracking on, to only wanting to get to know each other, to announcing that their heads won’t turn for any new bombshell (different from only getting to know each other), to “falling,” to wondering what life would be like for them on the outside, to exclusive (a reiteration of “my head won’t turn,” but more dramatic), to boyfriend and girlfriend (the equivalent of marriage in the villa).

The Process. For years, Love Island has been one of the most popular shows in the UK because it is being filmed while it’s airing. Every 24 hours, for six to eight weeks, the public is blessed with an episode filled with drama that happened mere hours before. The way producers and editors can craft a narrative in real-time is wildly impressive and a It’s a huge production feat.

The Public. Because of Love Island’s timeliness and popularity, the people of the UK are heavily invested. And if there’s one thing we Americans know about the UK, it’s that they are mean (do I have to bring up The Revolutionary War?). The press is ruthless (we don’t need to get into the Harry and Meghan of it all), and UK Twitter is even worse (I had to stop tweeting about Love Island because of d*ath threats). The earlier seasons have a dark aura around them because of how things played out in the press while the islanders were in the villa. I recommend looking it up after you watch it because it’s very sad.

All that to say... The public is engaged. They are obsessed, and throughout the series, the public votes on who should leave the island, who the bombshells should take on dates, and eventually, who should win. It's also fair to note that the producers have a very heavy hand in shaping the drama.

Share

Challenges. While the islanders are in the villa, they aren’t allowed to do much of anything. They can’t write or draw, listen to music, or sleep during the day. They aren’t even allowed to know what time it is. Every day, they are expected to put on their swimsuits (and full glam) and just… talk to each other. All the time. (A dream for a yapper who loves the pool like myself.) Then, as the sun begins to set, they get all dolled up to have fake parties where they must find even more things to say to each other. To break up their days, producers force the islanders to take part in challenges. These games range from scary and sexy to dramatic and disgusting. They vary slightly each season, but some of the most memorable include taking care of robot babies, truth or dare, lap dance competitions with heart rate monitors, and vile food relay races. There are no prizes, but there is always a forced sexy element.

Would love to see production’s costume closet.

Casa Amor. We made it. The Super Bowl of Love Island. The main event. The Ultimate Relationship test. Once the season is about 60% over, the villa reaches a state of fragile stability. There are a few solid couples, maybe one or two that are exclusive, a few rocky couples, and a few friendship couples. The islanders are separated by gender under the guise of a Lad’s Holiday or a Girl’s Day Out and taken to a different villa down the road called “Casa Amor.” In both villas, production introduces an entirely new cast of bombshells handpicked to turn heads and “test” the couples.

Did you just get chills? Because I just got chills.

They spend a WHOLE WEEK (3-5 days) with this new group of islanders. If you’re thinking, “Are they just starting Love Island over again?” You’re right. It’s Week 1 all over again. The islanders crack on, do sexy challenges, decide on their sleeping arrangements, and sometimes even kiss 👀. Once production is sure enough damage has been done to the relationships, they reunite the two villas with a recoupling ceremony. This is the most important recoupling because each original islander must decide whether to stay with their original partner OR couple up with someone they met in Casa Amor. If they choose someone from Casa Amor and their original partner doesn’t, the single person is at risk of being dumped from the island.

Yeah. It’s insane. :)

I can’t even put a meme here because this is something you DO NOT want spoiled!!!!!!!!!!!

Movie Night. After Casa Amor, things usually quiet down. There are only so many relationship tests a group of 20-somethings can take before everyone starts to lose their mind. So the producers wait, like lions stalking their prey, until the islanders regain a false sense of security then throw them a special movie night. The islanders are shown clips from the show taken out of context, designed to test their relationships yet again. Secrets are revealed, and trust is tested. It’s ruthless. It’s mean. It’s sometimes hard to watch. But wow, do they lose it.

The Talent Show. After the drama from Movie Night settles and the islanders realize they still have two more weeks of being jailed, the producers throw them a bone in the form of alcohol and musical instruments. It’s a talent show with no talent.

You will cry laughing every time. Guaranteed.

Meet The Parents. And FINALLY, against all odds, we make it to the last week. The couples have one last "challenge" before the finale: Meeting the parents. It's their first taste of "the outside." Of course, it's very tense because the families have been watching live with the rest of the UK, seeing the drama unfold while the islanders know very little about how they're being perceived by the public. Blessings are given! Or not.

Finale. After a few more dumpings and a couple of "fancy" dates, the remaining couples get dolled up to give cringe speeches declaring their love before a live public vote. The couple who wins gets the option to keep the money or steal it. No one has stolen it… yet… I won't lie to you, it really doesn't matter who wins. They only get 50k. Honestly, I forget most of the winners.

Leave a comment

How To Watch

To reiterate, there is a right and a wrong way to watch this show. You're committing 60-70 hours of your life, so you do NOT want to waste it on a bad season. This is the order I always recommend for newbies:

Season 3 (Hulu). Before the fame, the influencers, the ban on smoking, the limit on alcohol, the Dyson Hair Wrap sponsorship…all we had were random hot people trying to find love. This season is reality TV at its best. It has it all. A smoking couch, dicksand, bromances, fights about feminism, drama, the Blazing Squad, tears, TRUE LOVE, ruthless public tweet reveals, intrigue, “I’m sat,” Prince Harry’s ex-girlfriend, a rapping duo, the introduction of the white skinny jean…I could go on.

Season 5 (Hulu). Personally, this is my favorite season. It’s my comfort rewatch. Yes, this is the Molly Mae and Tommy season.

Australia Season 4 (Hulu). Australia is a great gateway drug. It’s shorter and has great vibes, but is missing key details like Casa Amor and Movie Night.

Season 8 (Hulu). The most recent summer season. A production dream. Will never be recreated.

Season 4 (Hulu). A solid season. Justice for Hayley.

Every other season can be watched whenever. Season 1 is good. Season 2 is ok. Seasons 6 and 7 are filled with influencers who are so obviously trying to recreate Season 5, but have some amazingly hilarious moments. Seasons 9 and 10 are good for when you’re fully invested in Love Island lore and just need some background noise.

Don’t even bring up Love Island US in my presence.

Honestly, I’ve just convinced myself to rewatch season 3. Hope you do too!!!!!!!

Share things i like

So You Want to Watch Love Island?