HAPPY SUNDAY! We’re back on track!

Hope you all had a great week and are fully recovered from the absolute pop culture shit show that happened this last week. Hopefully, celebs will take this time to reflect that we don’t care for their opinions on most things…but they probably won’t.

I had a great week. I couldn’t tell you one thing I did but I feel like it was productive because it is Aries SZN. And I always feel productive in Aries SZN. Not to make this an astrology newsletter but the vibes are so great right now.

And do you want to know WHY the vibes are so great!? Because it’s Sweet Boy Season. Let’s get into it.

Introducing…

A couple weeks ago when I was ignoring all of you I watched a lot of British radio interviews. They are so much better than American radio shows. But ok, anyways. During one of the interviews, the radio host casually referred to Sweet Boy Season with no other context. After doing HOURS of research (one google search, one twitter search, and texting 12 people) I found no real definition. So here is my crowdsourced definition of Sweet Boy Season (season instead of SZN feels right).

Sweet Boy Season™ is…

…the first nice day in March. The first glimmer of hope that summer is almost here and we’ve made it through another terrible winter. It’s smiling at someone on the subway. It’s having the door held for you when you carry a package into your apartment building. Even sweeter when UPS delivers the package directly to your door.

It’s Hello Kitty. The complex balance of sour and sweet from Haribo Twin Snakes. It’s soft lighting. Waking up early without an alarm. It’s confidence and optimism because we have woken up from our winter hibernation and have our whole lives ahead of us again.

It’s not wearing a coat outside even though it’s still a little too cold. And sending your puffer jackets to the dry cleaner. And banishing your thick sweaters to the back of the closet (but keeping your cute cardigans out). It’s the end of Cranky Boy Winter™. Your first summer fruit and calling every animal you see a “sweet baby.” It’s anything that makes you say “awe,” cause more things feel “awe” right now.

It’s flirty and fun. It’s having cute convos with bartenders and waiters and baristas (and getting free treats). It’s opening up the apps and being like idk maybe this time it won’t be so terrible (still terrible, but the ppl are being nicer than normal). It’s the opposite of Bad Boy Season. It’s texting back and accepting that the bar is incredibly low, but maybe that’s endearing?? (It’s not.) It’s people using the laugh-cry emoji at your low-effort jokes. No thoughts, just bantz.

It’s hearing from someone you haven’t heard from all winter saying “if you hate me I get it. if you love me I get it.”

It’s being nice for no reason at all!!!!!

When is Sweet Boy Season over?

It ends at midnight on April 18th, because as a good friend of the newsletter said, “Taurus men are a curse.” Not my words, but I agree. Taurus SZN is something entirely different.

Anyways. Let me know if you have any additions! Happy Sweet Boy Season! Be nice (until April 19th)!

Thank you to everyone who I texted being like “what does Sweet Boy Season mean to you?” And giving me real answers instead of being like “..kel u ok?” ilysm.

Things That Happened In Popular Culture You Should Know About (a lot happened this week)

Daniel Radcliffe coined the phrase “dramatically bored,” which I think is very adult Harry Potter of him.
Maggie is telling us to prepare now Angry Girl Summer on July 29th, and I’m here for it.
People can still think Julia Fox is hot, but she’s for the girls now.
Black Chyna posted on IG saying she doesn’t receive any child support from Tyga or Rob Kardashian, and it didn’t go the way she hoped.
Rita Ora was in the loo during the slap.
Addison Rae is working on new music. This is an Addison Rae fan newsletter. Obsessed was in my top 10 songs of 2021, no shame. Everyone stream He’s All That on Netflix.
Ezra Miller is a fucking creep. Google if you want. I’m not interested in discussing.
Jack Harlow is sampling GLAMOROUS by Fergie, and I’m …unwell. 🥵
I didn’t believe that Ashley Tisdale was actually an interior designer, but after finding out her dad is a contractor in New Jersey like Joe Gorga it made a lil more sense.
Patricia Arquette says, “No more stuff!”
Paul Rudd has a bit on Conan that’s been happening for 15/20 years where he tells Conan he’s about to show him a clip of whatever he’s working on, but then shows him a clip from the ET rip-off movie. He did it again this week, on a podcast. No one saw it coming (except for you, someone who is about to watch the clip that I just told you about).
Gia Giudice went to a DJ Pauly D concert.
My idol, Caroline Stanbury, is in New York this week.
Alec and Hilaria Baldwin are having ANOTHER kid. That’s a total of seven children under the age of nine for anyone who’s keeping a count.
Martha Stewart’s cat died :(

What I’m Watching (there’s too much on rn)

Slow Horses. I got to watch the first two episodes early for a job and I can’t recommend this show enough if you like British things or mystery things or government crime things.

Abbot Elementary. It gets funnier every single week. EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.

Bridgerton. I lied, the second season is so much better than the first. Not enough sex, but we persevere.

Minx. Is anyone watching this? I’m about to start it because I saw a fancam of Jake Johnson looking hot af.

WeCrashed and The Dropout and Inventing Anna. I don’t think these are supposed to be inspirational, but…

Other Things I Like

These tiktoks KILL me. All of them are better than any improv show I’ve ever been to.
Got to send this to my Hart of Dixie group chat
Honestly, my mom sent me a Pink Champagne scented candle from Bath and Bodyworks, and it is giving spring day patio vibes.
It me.
This tweet, which reminds me of one of my best tweets of all time.
Getting seats at a crowded bar.
White wine…I’m shocked too. Not what I expected. Something in me was changed that day at Catch NYC.
VIB Rouge sale is on right now.

Some Things I Hate:

I have the urge to watch The Virgin Suicides and that’s not good for anyone.
April Fool’s Day is stupid. And the original tiktok got me and I was upset for hours.
There’s an OWL outside my window who will not stop hooting. Can’t even make a joke about it because there have already been too many Harry Potter references in this newsletter.
I am currently shadowbanned from twitter for tweeting about my substack. Shit is fucked up.
For the love of god how do calculators work? This is rhetorical.
Not having a mirror in a bathroom bar. What is this? Where am I supposed to take my drunken selfies?
Apollo being in the RHOA trailer, what are we doing????'
It me.
When people unfollow me on IG but I don’t know WHY! Give me a timestamp or a written request or something.
Ok. So. There were two wordle answers the other day, and mine was HARRY. Which is not a word (sry Webster), and is not helping with me not making Harry Potter references in this newsletter.
When I ask people if they want to spontaneously go to my favorite restaurant in CH and NO ONE responds. I see you. I hear you. And you will be dealt with.
Why do all bathing suits have incredibly thick straps now?

OK ILYSM.BYE. TEXT. TWEET. DM. VOICE MESSAGE. SMOKE SIGNAL IF U WANNA CHAT ABOUT ANY OF THESE.

Special edition Grammys Recap for paid subscribers tomorrow 😇 mwuhaha